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Disclaimer: This is more of a personal post.
The more and more exposure I get in this industry, the more and more I realize what bitches some people can be, especially when they have a monitor and anonymity to protect them. Over the years, as I’ve come more and more into the fold, I’ve experienced more and more bad behavior by folks.
I’ve been betrayed and fooled by “friends” in this industry, but mostly behind closed doors and even though some people running their mouths with nonsense has probably caused some people to form mistaken opinions of me, believe it or not, I try to turn the other cheek, on a personal level, and be the bigger person, as much as I can. People will find out the truth on their own eventually.
I rant and rave and voice myself on public matters, but I don’t air behind the screen drama in public, even when I’m not at fault or have been wronged. And if I do bring public criticism to an actual human being, I try my best to stay focused on the business related issue at hand and steer clear of their personal being. But either way, if I do say something, I do it under my own name. Signed, notarized and personally delivered. Not only that, but I’d have the balls to discuss it with you in person.
And as much as I can take other people’s insecurities being thrust at me in the form of anonymous verbal attacks online, sometimes, frankly, it gets hard. Partially because I don’t like pussies bullies (aka, people who need to prop themselves up on putting other people down) and partially because I know 99.9% of them wouldn’t have the balls to say shit to my face.
But I guess the big mistake I made when making the (now questionable) decision to be a bit more public, was thinking that I could be a “public person” in any arena and expect that some people wouldn’t act like total asshats.
But, when people talk about me on a personal level, people who don’t even know me - as a woman and a mother (oh, yes, someone went there), from the anonymity of their computer, my first reaction is “fuck this shit and fuck these people, I don’t need to put myself through this”. If I had the ability to instantly react, my blog, twitter account, speaking profiles and every shred of information related to me in this industry would - *poof* - be gone.
But, as I think about it for a few days, I look at the younger generation of women in this industry and realize that backing down is letting them down in addition to letting myself down. No one, especially not an anonymous bully, has the right to push us into a corner or tell us who we can and can’t be.
So to all the anonymous asshats, I have a few things to say:
- If I don’t act how you expect a “girl” to act, then maybe you shouldn’t try to shove women (be you a man or a woman) into some stereotypical profile.
- If I make you insecure in your manhood, get a bigger pair.
- If I make you feel insecure in other ways, see a counselor and work on your own self esteem.
- If you can’t handle me dropping the F-bombs on a regular basis, then unfollow, unsubscribe, don’t read and don’t listen. Last I checked, no one had your eyes pinned open and your browser stapled to Sugarrae.com.
- And lastly, if you get pissed at people voting for me because I asked them to, get off your ass and work hard to make your own fucking ass friends/connections/business acquaintances like I have the last ten years.
Maybe at some point in time I’ll regret some things I’ve said in my life and in my career. But if I ever do, I’ll man up, admit it and move on. I’m not perfect. I make mistakes. I’m not afraid of being wrong. What I am afraid of is wasting what little time we have on this earth being who you think I should be and not being who I think I should be.
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Seeking counseling… ;)
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At least you don’t need a bigger pair ;-) haha
It was worth it to take the time to register just so I could comment on this.
“I look at the younger generation of women in this industry and realize that backing down is letting them down”
Wow, that is quite a statement. I am probably not younger than you but in terms of success online, I’m less experienced, so I can take that comment personally… and to it I say thanks.
I’ve had the same feeling, wishing I could pull the plug and have everything having to do with me pulled from the ‘net. But then I think about what my business has allowed me to do - raise 4 kids without a check from their Dad or one from the government, and I’m so proud of that.
So I just put up with the clowns. Small people are always trying to pull great people down. Always have, always will. Even Jesus couldn’t make everybody happy. ;)
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While I’m certain your psyche doesn’t need it & your skin is plenty thick, I empathize with your often being targeted by the “schmoest of schmoes” in this industry. From one “bitch” to another, here in this ridiculous world, many people believe “the only way to make myself look better is to make someone else look bad”.
The bottom line is that if you weren’t as smart and talented as you are, I never would have learned of your existence in the first place - nor would anyone else. You stand out because you SHOULD standout - as an incredibly successful business woman. Too bad you were absent the day they were handing out penises…if you were a man, none of this would be an issue. ;)
This is America. Those who don’t like what you have to say will love this: FUCK OFF AND SUCK IT! If you don’t like her, don’t read her blog, don’t follow her on Twitter, don’t subscribe to her FriendFeed, etc. It’s really a VERY simple concept and an exercise in freedom of choice.
As for the VAST MAJORITY of us: thank you for not acting on your knee-jerk reaction to regain your online anonymity. We appreciate that you take the time to share your knowledge, your stories, your experiences and your rants.
I heard my mom say this a few times as a kid and it really had an impact on me. It remains one of my favorite quotes of all time: “Remember, Ginger Rogers did everything Fred Astaire did, but backwards and in high heels.” ~Faith Whittlesey
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Rae, you just kick ass.
Great post - being “real” is one thing this industry lacks.
I am glad to have you as a friend.
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@SEOAly I have mentioned this quote before in other posts, but my favorite is: “Women who behave rarely make history.” by Laura Thatcher Ulrich - which was first introduced to me when I saw it printed on a T-shirt given to me on my birthday by a dear friend.
That said, this post isn’t about being a woman as much as it is about “being me”… but you’re right… if I were a guy, this probably wouldn’t be such an issue for people.
Your “realness” and saying it like it is, is the whole reason I subscribed to your blog in the first place. Keep your thick skin up, I’d hate to be deprived of an honest voice in the industry.
I really hate anonymous posters. I have always made a point of using my real name and face, it helps me think twice before posting something I wouldn’t want to stand behind. More people need to take that approach.
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@Rae - great quote! :) You did a great job of not making this a “feminism” inspired post. I just can’t help but notice that when you’re targeted it happens to be by those with two heads…the higher of which isn’t used nearly as often as the lower. ;) They’re often the same individuals ignorant enough to believe that if Matt Cutts and Danny Sullivan haven’t said it and don’t endorse it, it simply CAN’T be accurate. They hate that you prove that wrong. ;)
@TheRealTerry - agreed. If you don’t have the balls to identify yourself, piss off. No one is going to pay bit of attention to what you have to say anyway. If you have any confidence that what you’re spouting is actually accurate, you’d be willing to put your name and/or face right along with it. It’s basically the Internet equivalent of, “I don’t have the balls to say it directly to you, so I’ll just talk about you behind your back like a pussy…”. Period.
And anyone who knows me can attest that I have no qualms speaking my mind, regardless of whether it coincides with the status quo - be that of the industry or whatever company I happen to be working for at the time. I can’t believe I’ve never been fired. ;)
Anonymous critics are dirt bags that typically put their balls in their gf’s purse for safe keeping. I recently had the same experience where someone took a business comment and turned it into a personal attack on my kids, so I can relate. All can say is, Sugarae, you are no Shrinking Violet and that is what makes you engaging. I follow, I read, I listen and I like the f-bomb.
Anonymous- go grab your tampon and cry into it or come back and use your real name.
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I’m logged in with an alias, but that doesn’t make me “anonymous”… you know who I am ;)
Well said Rae — a fitting response to the douchebags who pollute public fora with immature, anonymous crap.
I had a thought once that online activity *everywhere* should be tracked the way it is on social media sites - everything you do, say, write - published like a minifeed visible to everyone: your grandmother, your employer, your elderly Sunday School teacher. Then perhaps people would maintain some dignity.
(my peeve = commenters on youtube. what a pile of dipshits)
make your own calendar.
Very funny post. LMAO. I find it refreshing the direct approach you use.
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Although I would like to freely express my opinion about everything in my natural tone, I haven’t yet achieved your level of success or, for that matter, been in this industry long enough to be individually successful; but I’m working on it.
Until then, I’ll be keeping my tone under control and very PC. This doesn’t prevent me from being honest and straight forward in my communications, it just increases my chances of successfully building a career. Anyway, cheers to ‘keeping it real,’ I hope I will be there sooner than later.
Honestly? I had no idea what to think about you Rae at first, nor can I remember when that even was. I was questioned for my decision to interview you and to each of them I explained that you’re a true professional, brilliant in your work, determined to succeed and are one of the hardest working persons I know. I identify with you the single mom because I was one, and I relate to kicking ass and being an over achiever because who has time to whine about what isn’t? Your post here is less about you and more of a statement on how pathetic those folks are who hide behind masks and are wimps. Just remember…the Internet isn’t real.
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>>>I was questioned for my decision to interview you
The funny part is, it was likely by people who have never met me or have never had more than a five minute conversation with me. People who don’t really know me. But, in all honesty, those people aren’t the people I want to know. They need their status quo and I would suffocate from it. ;-) I wonder sometimes frankly if they don’t simply resent me for not being afraid to be myself - which is something most of them don’t have the guts to do.
Rae, I’ve been a long time reader and twitter follower, a lurker of forum ages past you might say, but after reading this current post, I felt compelled to express a couple of points.
1. Your a BAMF par excellence. My hat off to you at every step, because one thing you have always been is consistent with your message from the getgo. “it is what it is” is sometimes misconstrued as criticism, or even badmouthing. As diplomatic and professional as we try to be, you can’t be all things to all people. The mirror of the truth is a hard looksee, when we turn it to ourselves, or when we put it in someone’s face so they can get a peep of the world.
2. There are five “saying” I love to death, and as often as I can, I steer myself by them. 3 of them taught to me by the Pops, and one of them is excellent for this situation. FTS. Whether it’s “this”, “that” or “those.”
Just do me a favor, and never be anything less than SUGARRAE.
The frustrating part is the knowledge that if someone really knew us, they might like us or get over their critical judging anal and usually way off base conclusions. The Internet and SM contribute to these weird versions of ourselves, esp. those who are out there conversing. We type, therefore we are? This isn’t true. We type to communicate or promote or whatever but its not enough information about who we are every day.
>>>I was questioned for my decision to interview you
Interviews should be based on knowledge and experience, not how some people perceive a persons outlook or anything else. Rae has both the knowledge and experience that count in this industry, so the asshats can stuff it.
my 2c
Great work Rae I look forward from leaning new and profitable stuff from you and stay real because that is what matters.
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Rae, little late to the game on this comment, but Eminem has a song titled the same as this blog post, and if you’ve never read the lyrics you’d probably appreciate them. Here’s a sample:
I’m so sick and tired of bein admired that I wish that I would just die or get fired
And drop from my label and stop with the fables
I’m not gonna be able to top what my name is
And people hold in to some poppy sensation
That got me rotation
On rock and roll station
It just gets better and better. Hope all is well.
Dan