Ok, so none of you know me. I’m Audrey, A.K.A. “Shirley Tipsy.” I’m not big in the SEO world, although I have lots of awesome friends, including tomorrows guest, Kid Disco. My one personal claim to fame is the fact that I am the dork in the “Matt Cutts Makes Me Google” shirt in a widely publicized (well at least in our circle) photo from SES San Jose 2006. Yes, I’m a fan of Matt… ok fine, I’m a “cuttlett.” Anyway, Hi. Nice to meet you. Knowing the people in our industry (we’re worse than a damn sewing circle at times) I’m sure I have just invited massive amounts of shit talking onto myself. Oh Well, LMAO.
I thought long and hard about what to write about for my guest post. Like everyone else this week I have been riddled with panic, nearly kicking myself for volunteering for this without having a clear plan in mind as to what I would write about. Well, what can I do about it now? Shut up and bite the bullet, I guess.
So, without further ado I give you…
Shirley Tipsy’s Top 12 Things My Friends and I Have Accidentally Done To Prove We Are Dorks.
1. I have instinctually ended sentences with “.com” instead of simply using a period.
Example:
“I’ll stop by the store on my way home so we don’t have to go out later.com”
2. I say “LOL” out loud when I think something is moderately funny. It actually gets worse than this though. When I say it, it doesn’t sound like “Ell Oh Ell.” No, No, It’s actually a word with me… By charades standards it would be a ‘sounds like’ “wall.”
3. My friend Angela was walking through Costco with her husband and told him that she was gonna “Scroll on down to the next aisle.”
4. We’ve had extensive conversations at work about getting links from good sites. We refer to these preferable links as “.org-asms”
5. My co-worker Bryan likes to inform people when he has done something already. He does this by taking on a valley girl voice and saying “Blogged It!”
6. I have gotten into actual arguments with my boyfriend over his top 8 on myspace. At one point he decided to make his band his #1 friend and moved me to #2. I WAS SO PISSED!!! (After an hour of my nagging, he put me back to #1 though)
7. I have actually had to stop myself and recognize the lack of “cut and paste” abilities when reading a book before
8. My boyfriend is sort of a SEO conspiracy theorist. He’s convinced that Google is actually run by a man named “Steve Google.” When he’s upset about something having to do with them, he threatens to write old Steve Google a letter. I have heard him reference “Doug Yahoo” before too.
9. You’ve heard of those “Worst Case Scenario” books where they give you instructions on how to do things like jump from a moving car or fight off a bear attack, right? I have had drunken rants complaining about the lack of internet related scenarios in said books.
Actual Quote:
“I know a few people who are more afraid of the -30 penalty than they are of a freakin snake bite!”
10. I have referred to women I hate as a “whore.asp”.
11. In order to talk shit at work, while still maintaining their “professionalism,” some of my co-workers have adopted a system for using acronyms via our in-house Instant Messenger. These abbreviated statements have really matured over time. They started out with things like:
“DB” – Translation: Douche Bag
“AH” – Translation: Ass Hat
To the more recent and more complicated:
“FTSIISFA” – Translation: Fuck This Shit In Its Stupid Fucking Ass
12. When my boyfriend was applying for a job one time, “online trafficking” was one of the experience requirements.
He turned to me with a serious look on his face and said “So I need a proven track record of getting illegal aliens good rankings? Awesome.”
So yeah, we’re geeks. We know it. We embrace it. :)
*We now return you to our regularly scheduled programming of people who actually have something to say*
About the Author
Audrey Seiberling is a self admitted "geeky SEO girl" and "Cuttlet" devotee. You can find out more about her and see more of her writing at her blog, Shirley Tipsy.
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