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First, if you’re offended by the post title, learn to have a sense of humor and relax a little. You might live a little longer. And if you take the advice in this post, you’ll likely enjoy those extra years a lot more.
The other day I wrote a post over at copyblogger about affiliate marketing and in the comments of the post, someone made a remark that is a comment I’ve heard said many times (though in different words, but same gist) in response to posts/advice by what some might call “higher profile bloggers”:
“Of course, it doesn’t hurt having a blog that already has wide readership…these tactics alone don’t result in a ‘four-figure commission check’.”
Now, I’m not picking on the original commenter here… but his comment, mainly because it has been given so many times by people as a reason for [insert medium to high profile blogger's name here] success and as an excuse for [insert blog reader's name here] inability to duplicate it due to some kind of inferred (almost “unfair”) “advantage”, spurred me to respond:
I know you specifically probably didn’t mean it “like this” Mike but, I wasn’t handed a blog with a readership… I built it up, same as I have any of the affiliate sites I own. My “wide readership” isn’t the sole reason I sold themes. If I hadn’t done the above, I’d have sold a few, but no where near as many as I did. I can say that with certainty after a decade in this industry.
And then, I closed my response with:
There is no reason someone else can’t build up their site same as I have with many of them, and use these tactics with four, five and six figure success. Except maybe their own willingness to accept defeat.
So, if you’re someone who has been “accepting your defeat”, I have a message for you…
I have “every reason” to have been not only “allowed”, but expected, to “fail” in life. The only difference between my success and someone else’s lack of it is that I refused to accept, and still do refuse to accept, anything less than what I want for myself in life.
I don’t give myself excuses.
I don’t wait for shit to be handed to me, I go in search of what I want.
I found my pair of balls (which to me is a combination of belief in myself and a lack of “fear of failing”) and went after what I wanted.
If you want success… if you want anything in life for that matter… the large majority of us will only reach our goals by going after them with everything we have and picking ourselves up after every failure, continuing to go after them with everything we have until we reach/achieve them. Period.
To let John Andrews sum it up:
“And I don’t believe Rae Hoffman is as much of a genius as she is hard worker.”
Stop:
- fearing what “the community” will think (who cares?)
- fearing a fall on your face (you will, likely many times)
- fearing the uncertain (life is never certain, even when you play it safe)
- allowing your circumstances to impede your achievements (there is no “excuse” for accepting the status quo)
- fearing the unknown (I’d rather be uncertain of my success than be predictable in my mediocrity)
Start:
- working towards your wants instead of talking about them (theory and “what ifs” aren’t going to get you anywhere)
- taking chances and sticking your pecker out
- using your “proverbial balls” to go after what you want in life and make it happen
YOU HAVE A CHOICE. But ONLY YOU can make it.
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{ 18 comments… read them below or add one }
This is good, but the question is, how long did it take you to get there? Sounds like Mike might be referring to the fact that for people who are building their network, they don’t have the option to move as quickly because they don’t have the same resources available to them.
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That type of question is exactly what I am referring to. Don’t try and figure out what my advantage is… why I am “different” than you. Don’t look for the “out” or the “excuse”. Don’t justify not being where you want to be (”you” is generic in this case, not you specifically).
But because it proves my point… I was making much more than my then husband did at his sixty hour a week job in less than a year. Still, it took me years of hard work to get where I am now. But we all have to start somewhere. Justification and excuses will not get anyone anywhere.
>>>they don’t have the option to move as quickly
And neither did I in the beginning. I ate hot dogs and macaroni and cheese, as well as auctioned off some stuff I owned on eBay to pay for my first Yahoo listing (back when they mattered).
You (again, generic) have to stop making excuses, start making it happen.
Well, I can definitely see your point, AND I think its a valid one. The problem is, everyone is always going to be looking for the advantage, that’s just human nature, we can’t help ourselves. I don’t think its necessarily an excuse to sort of have a “pity party” (which it seems lots of your readers like to have), but they WILL be looking at the situation and trying to analyze where the advantage is. You can’t tell me that you don’t look for advantages in situations too! ;)
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Looking is one thing. Staring frozen like a deer in the headlights accepting that you’re about to be hit by a car is quite another.
True, but then again, I wasn’t saying to do that! ;)
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This post is awesome. So awesome that I registered to leave this comment!
You are right comparing your self to others that are doing better and then writing off your own success because you aren’t like them, is stupid! I like to follow a good handful of successful people online. When I analyze their success, I look for things that work for them and try to replicate on my own. Sometimes, I fail pretty big, but every now and then I am able to succeed at something that I have studied from an “A-lister”. And hopefully one day I will be an “A-lister” too!
Excellent Post Rae!
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The main thing to remember is that when adversity occurs, the people who look outward (”why did this happen to ME?” “how come HE’S doing so much better than I am?” “I just need someone to give me a break,” or just plain “The world ain’t fair!”) are invariably the ones who fail, while the people who look *inward* (”What could I do differently next time?” or “How can I change this situation to my advantage?”) are the ones who succeed.
The former is easy to fall into, and a hard habit to break, but it *can* be broken. Eventually it becomes part of your character.
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I’m a big fan of overnight success.
I’ve been working on it for about four thousand nights, and every night I get a tiny bit more successful!
Well, I can’t say I was expecting my comment to trigger a post on how to grow a set of testicles. Not the most pleasant of surprises.
I won’t defend the comment, because after the fact it’s easy to argue for what one “actually meant.” The fact that you took it the way you did alone is proof enough that others could have taken it that way, and that others often think that way.
I would simply like to say that I did not intend to imply that your blog readership somehow fell into your lap or to otherwise discredit the hard work you’ve done to get where you are. My thinking is as simple as this: if it were easy, it wouldn’t be worth a damn.
My first reaction after seeing this post was to wish that perhaps I hadn’t made the comment I did, or at least that I hadn’t written it in the way I did. I don’t think it added value to the thread.
However, I think this post is the kind of kick in the crotch a lot of people need. I know I’ve needed one now and then. If I have to be the ass who helped trigger this, so be it.
For the record: my balls did recently drop. They can get in the way, but overall I think it’s a positive.
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No worries Mike - as I mentioned in the post both at copyblogger and here… I didn’t think you did mean it in a negative tone… but hearing it just set me off on hearing that comment a lot and spurred the post. ;-)
It’s amazing the things we read that inspire us to write great posts. Without you, Mike, Rae wouldn’t have been able to write something we all need to hear every now and then!
TINSTAAFL.
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Good post Rae! I like how you pointed out that audience wasn’t handed to you and that you had to build it up that same as anyone else. I have a lot of friends that notice the success I’ve been having on the Internet the last couple years and they want me to teach them how they can do the same. The problem is, they’re expecting instant success and they’re not willing to put in the years of hard work that it takes. They don’t realize I spent YEARS broke as a joke, working my ass off for little to nothing to get where I am. I guess they chose to ignore that part and now only see the success.
People can make excuses all they want on why they’re not successful or why it’s too hard for them to become successful. You can make excuses or you can make money, but you can’t make both. It may be a cliche to say but if I can do it anyone can. I have a family with two kids and for years we had absolutely nothing, barely getting by and barely having enough to eat. It was a huge sacrifice that is now paying off… but if I never made that sacrifice I’d still be working a deadend job.
I love this. Thanks for being unabashed in your commentary! It makes it so much more enjoyable.
Now, if I could just use the same technique and get the right delivery. My bitchiness level is like a PH. It’s not the right balance. Strong enough for a man, made for a woman.
Excellent Post! While some of us have achieved more than others, often the biggest difference IS just a willingness to get started.
Some of us start doing, so a few years from now, we have moved forward, while others seem to prefer being able to say that we somehow were luck… five years from now :-)
Willie
Nice post Rae.
I have and probably still do waste a ridiculous amount of time faffing about, to help with that I suggest a quick read of Seth Godin’s - The Dip.
Cheers
Rich
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@ukgimp - The dip is actually one of my favorite books - it rocks. If people haven’t read it, they should.
So this is where I left my balls!! Awesome!! Thanks for holding on to them for me - I see you kept them at room temperature - nice!
This is the kick in the ass that I needed - printed (do people still print things) and posted on my wall. Which I call my 3-d blog… actually I dont have a name for it… its just a wall.
Seriously thanks!
Sometimes we just need the roundhouse kick from social media ninjas like yourselves to get us pointed in the right direction.
Lately I have been doubting and feeling the sorries… Some tricky times have come my way. Though you speak of not feeling sorry for yourself I would add as someone who deals with depression, it can be difficult to get up and dust yourself off.
No excuses but it really can be hard.
Today you helped so I thank you for your advice and cut throat advice. Glad I came across your blog!
Wow, you’re actually getting me to come out of my lurker shell. This post rocks for a couple of reasons.
1. When I started my online career, I was a nasaying retard who wondered why all those other sites had so much traffic. Then I started to actually work at it. Forum posts, connecting and networking, blogging, learning, writing and doing. Then it dawned on me. THAT’s how “those other” sites where getting the traffic. They worked hard for it.
2. Straight to the point, there is NO replacing of the actual WORK you have to do in order to succeed. If you had a gazillion dollars, then go ahead and buy the New York Times, then it’s a little easier. But if you’re starting out, that’s what you’re doing, STARTING OUT.
If success where a gift, I’d freely give it out, because I remember my first day looking at my newly published website, and wondering if somebody could help me. Opinions and critiques I got a plenty, but nobody did the work for me, and that’s the best advice I can give, and the best thing about this post. Get to work! Success is there for those who work of it, and work smart for it.
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