Guestwhore Week Wrap Up

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I was really nervous about leaving the blog in the hands of the guestwhores while I was away. Not so much because I don’t trust them… my fear was more that it would be the equivalent of painting a target on my back and putting a gag in my mouth (man that caused a Pulp Fiction flashback). I’m told everyone is awaiting my comments, so here we go…

Lisa: She was not mauled by me! Let me explain the real story for you guys. We wanted to head to another bar. We asked Lisa to go. She said she couldn’t as she had to blog in the morning. That picture is actually me begging her to come with us and her refusing. Mauled my ass. I’m really not as scary as she makes me sound… um… well… moving on… Yes, she would have been totally killed for her first alternate post idea. And I did not. I repeat… did not leave her ass in the hotel lobby damn it! And Jabecca can prove it!

Video Whore: Oh… my… fucking… what… the hell… He seriously donned a wig and did me in a video blog. First off, the “you ain’t my daddy whore” called me Rachael. He referred to me as Rachael. Not once, but twice. I assure you that he will be kicked the next time I see him. I’d try and argue with the rest, but… uh… it would be a losing battle. Aside from missing some MF bombs and him not doing a shot, I can’t argue with much. All I could think was that it was going to be hard to top… and that he’s fucking insane. And to think, he’s raising Lisa!

Jabecca: For this one, I’m going to give my thoughts as I read it. Oh, an IM transcript. This should be good. Oh my… are they really blogging about commenters at seomoz? Fuck. Rand is going to shoot me. Oh my god… did Rebecca did not just say they were racist. Eh, they do smell bad though. Lisa does suck. I am so not scary! Wow, I guess I am if sicking me on someone is a threat. Hahahaha… she said asshat. Yep, I’m so off Rand’s Christmas, wait, Hannukah holiday card list (see, I can totally be politically correct - but I also admit to Rand getting special treatment, the kind I would give my grandmother).

Markus: I have a flash game named after myself… how fucking sweet is that… how fucking cool is Markus. His drinks are so on me this weekend. I don’t even know what to say. This was the most creative thing I’ve ever seen. Even the voice clip sounded like it was really me. And the title rocked. For a second, I thought Markus gave Bill his timeslot.

Vanessa: Oh, I am so down with bitching about moronic drivers. Where the hell is Needles, California and why does Vanessa seem to hate it so much? She waits until she is stopped at a light to check her blackberry? Wow. Maybe I should try that. I wonder if I annoy people occassionally by swerving lanes as I type on bb messenger to another crackberry addict or two.

Audrey: Well, if there is any place where people will identify with the reasons you’re a geek this is the spot. I will admit to doing number six, but on Facebook, because only valley trash hangs out on myspace (oh relax, I’m really not kidding people). I’ve never done number ten, but I am so starting it now. I added some from a pub in Scotland (I can’t believe I owned up to the last one). I also am fully guilty of Mike Bogo’s number twenty and of Ian’s second one in his comment.

Reese: Reese finally admitted to firing me. See, she has always slightly denied this before. She “only said” or “simply meant” and I knew damn well I had been fired. Ha! Finally! Admission! And leave my arial fonts the hell alone. Finally, I wonder how many people even knew what a padawan was. If you didn’t, don’t you dare ever call yourself a geek in my presence.

Kid Disco: Damn, even I’ve never used the word douchebag in a post title. I’m clapping inside. The sub title damn near brings a tear to my eye. Ok, I want to know what the hell number seven was. He fucking signed off with “eat me”. I was literally laughing my ass off. Of course, now I have a ton of people who will see this in an ego search or a backlink search who might hate me and send me hate mail. That might upset me, but I’m really too lazy to put forth the effort to care.

Greg: Asshat. I knew that somehow Bob Saget would be involved in his guestpost. All I could think when I saw the post was, “he better not include the picture, he better not include the picture… son of a bitch!”. I have a severe aversion to Bob Saget. My old personal blog bitched about him quite a bit (even once on this blog), which caused both Greg and werty to tease me about it.

All in all, a hat tip. They did a damn good job last week. But, while it was a close race, I have to name Markus “King Guestwhore” for the flash game. Now I’m off to New York for the weekend where a bunch of my friends are flying or riding in to host a 30th birthday for me. But, don’t wish me happy birthday yet. I’ll fully whore my birthday on the correct day next week. ;-)

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