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Good day fellow whores friends. While most of you are probably still drooling on your pillows watching Saturday morning cartoons today, I will be wondering who the hell will actually be reading this right now. For those that don’t know me, my name’s Joseph Stein from Area 1 Labs. When I’m not working or watching ingenious infomercial products I always enjoy learning new things or playing some good old Texas Hold’em.
Everyone is constantly saying that you need a business degree to understand how to do business. But I think that is outdated. Trust me when I say that you can learn everything you need to know from your neighborhood whore. So in the spirit of public service, I took it upon myself to get close and personal with some of them and then to report back to my readers. Now, I am not going to say exactly what I did during my time with them, but I think that was $200 well spent.
Well in all seriousness, this was never meant to be offensive to anyone. My goal was to explain a few dry business principles in a new and entertaining way. Like they say, a spoonful of sugar helps the medicine go down. If this method proves popular, hell I am willing to mingle with drug dealers, thieves and other degenerates just to see what we can learn from them.
- Price is everything. The price you charge for your product will dictate the type of customer you get. $30 might attract a drunk from a local bar, but $250 might get you a businessman.
- Get help when you need it. Working alone might allow you to keep more of your money, but getting professional help can get you to the next level. A pimp might be expensive, but his connections in the industry are priceless.
- Diversify whenever you can. Providing one product can be profitable, but being able to target different markets can attract more customers. A successful prostitute is able to satisfy all types of fantasies.
- Understand your clients. Your clients have different needs and wants; you must develop a sixth sense when it comes to their wishes. A good prostitute always knows which clients require which services.
- Anticipate the market trends. Today your business may be booming, but tomorrow everything can change. Stay on top of the market, because you never know when a local police force will issue a raid.
- Be forceful if necessary. Some of your clients might be undecided about the products you have to offer. In order to be successful, you must know when you have to push them and when you have to step back. Learn to be both a dominatrix and an innocent angel.
- Good ol’ word of mouth. No matter how great your product happens to be, you will not be successful if no one knows who you are. Tell your regular clients to spread the word, and remind them that they might get a special treat for any future business they might bring.
One last thought, always look for merger possibilities with other companies. As in sex sells, but sex and drugs are a match made in heaven.
Disclaimer: No whores were harmed during the making of this blog post. Play safe and always use a condom linkcondom!
About the Author
Joeseph Stein works with New York Internet Marketing Company Area 1 Labs. When he is not working or watching ingenious infomercial products, he enjoys learning new things or playing some good old Texas Hold’em.
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{ 8 comments… read them below or add one }
One other thing every good whore knows, when to get out ;)
One can do nothing but love this! I took the liberty to do a rather loose translation on my blog in Danish: http://www.blog.concept-i.dk/at-drive-forretning/
Keep’m comming, Rae!
Pretty funny, and well written. i love love the comparising with prostitudes :)
looking forward to your next post.
And yes.. Price is everything ;)
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@Thomas Joe gets all the credit for this one
@Joseph that was an AWESOME set of analogies lmao…
Sorry Joseph! I did give you the credit at my blog. Still: Keep Joseph at it, Rae! ;-)
Very funny. I was just wondering, whose the jon in this formula.
Well said. Hmmm… and to think the best business plan is really just the one from the oldest profession. To think somewhere, right now there are 10 Harvard MBAs in a room trying to come up with what Trixie knew all along.
Very funny and well written post I really enjoyed reading it.