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Guestwhore post from TheMadHat
So many moons ago Rea Rae offered to let me be a whore mongering pirate and do a guest post. Well…what the hell am I supposed to write? It had to be something a little different than calling someone a douchebag or teaching you how to piss off the Cutter. Coincidentally this was the same week I purchased my digital HD camcorder so I figured it would be a nice place to do some video publishing.
Lesson 1: Don’t try and learn complicated video editing software 2 days before something is due, otherwise you’ll be up for two days straight.
Lesson 2: I forgot.
Lesson 3: Use more brightness and contrast when uploading to that piece of shit YouTube.
So anyway, I started working on this post on January 11th…making this the most effort I’ve ever put into a blog post. Ever. I think I’ve actually built websites faster. That’s 37 days for you Neanderthals that don’t have a calculator. So one of the “rules” was I had to introduce myself, which I did in the video but I still haven’t figured out how to adjust the volume in different portions of the same track. Fuck off if you don’t like it. Here is what I said:
So here’s a toast to you Sugarrae. 58 actually….in less than 2 minutes.
*** And since either I’m an idiot, or because I’ve hacked my blog to death to get it to embed video I can’t get it to embed here. So just go give Google another damn page view: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PL95-W5EhO8 ***
That was a lot of work. I’m never drinking again. Or at least until Tuesday. Since this is an SEO blog, I figured I’d lay out some analytics for you:
* Days: 37
* Shots: 58
* Number of Jagermeister shots: 57
* Number of other crappy shots: 1
* Bottles of Jager: 2.3 or so
* Times I vomited making this blog post: 0
* Times my friends vomited making this blog post: 1
* Times my friends got cut off from the bar: 1
* Taxi cabs called: ~~Error Javascript disabled~~
* Money spent: Fuck
* Time spent learning how to use Sony Vegas video software: Too fucking long
* Feelings about said software: Good
* Time before liver transplant will be required: -1,234 days
* Shots not recorded because I forgot my camera: 6 or 7. We’ll go ahead and toast Guestwhore Manager for taking care of the blog this week with those.
* Times arrested: 0
* Times should have been arrested: ~~Error Javascript disabled~~
* Times I had trouble explaining what I was doing: 147
So welcome to Guestwhore Week. Be kind to dogs, don’t be kind to cats, and…don’t be mean to super affiliates or you’ll get a C & D (sorry, couldn’t resist). Out.
About the Author
Reeling and Writhing, of course, to begin with, and then the different branches of arithmetic -- Ambition, Distraction, Uglification, and Derision. Here is my website in case you're interested in wasting a few of your precious minutes.
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I just got very scared that my level of commitment to Guestwhore Week is clearly lacking! Sheesh that was a lot of shots, but good job on the video.
I’m beginning to question my sanity.
It was fun other than the sound issue, and the issue with not being able to embed, which Michael fixed, but it seems to have unfixed itself. Or I accidentally unfixed in my haste. I was late and didn’t want spoons stuck in my eyes.
I give myself an A for effort and a C for production and an F for being such an idiot.
While I am not sure I got a lot of meat out of this guest post, it sure did make me visit The Mad Hat website, where I got a lot of great info. and found one more must-have RSS feed for my reader. Thanks.
Well, I think I should try to get of these guest blogging spots the next time around…this is a great job of creating a silly yet memorable post and I’d like to see if I can top it.
@PeopleFinder - You weren’t really supposed to get anything out of it, other than I’m nuts. Making Rae laugh and getting you to subscribe to my RSS feed were the goals…so at least one achieved! And thanks!
@Todd - Please…I’ve permanently damaged my liver. Not sure I can handle it :)
You and me both, Rhea. The least popular guest whore gets their eyes dug out, right?
I’m so screwed.
@TheMadHatter - LOL - Mission Accomplished. Thanks.
I do believe that’s the first youtube video I’ve ever watched twice…and I’m glad I did… I missed the half second “boobs” caption the first time!
Was that Rob evilgreenmonkey Kerry saying he’s a rockstar?
hehe….I might get a little shit for that one too :) Glad you enjoyed it…it was a lot of difficult work…
Wow, respect for holding it in! I guess your eyes are safe, but your liver might need some TLC.
Best blog post ever. And I haven’t even watched the video yet.
So, who’s gonna do 58 shots in one night and record it for the next round of Guestwhore posts?
@Gabriel - lol…that was just a regular at the bar I visit, he just has a cool voice.
@Jane - Best Ever? Thanks!!!!
@kid_disco - I kindly hand the reigns to you
Thanks MadHat. At least I only had to have 7 shots with you to be included in the video. Now I’m off to enjoy my .15 seconds of fame.
AWESOME. That’s dedication…fun stuff.
Reading this post made me “lol” quite a few times. Especially the use of profanity it just seemed really appropriate and tasteful. Thanks for brightening up my night because I have the flu.
Awesome post though, haha. Look forward to more Jagermeister fuelled posts.
- Dwayne Charrington.
http://www.dwaynecharrington.com
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Holy crap!!! LMAO… you were supposed to blog, not attempt suicide! :) That was totally awesome and made me laugh like hell on my first morning back… you rock Aaron - I knew I could expect bar setting goodness from you. :)